..me…a bullsh*t???…
i never really thought of losing my mind..because of my insanities…i never had a hard time understanding myself before…i used to give a lot of chances for my own shortcomings…but why is my inferiorities killing me so badly…why should i let myself be paranoid for somethings i really dont ever need..or be a shit of something i really could not do well…i know for a fact i have limitations…but why am i going out of nowhere…shit!!!this ivan kills me everytime he thinks of those miserable and pathetic things that will surely grudge him all night long….
..imagine…why in the world should i stop in the middle of s*x??!!!…and keeps thinking why is my partner so disappointed??!!!…bullshit you ivan!!!and imagine??..i really like my partner??…bullshit me??!!!…ayt?…why am i always thinking that i could not satisfy someone else…and be hideously demanding to reach my own satisfaction???
…second thing, why am i thinking of ending up my profession being a callcenter agent beacuse og this irate callers whom i really dont know at all…they bullshit me every call…they even cant think of thanking me after i resolved their so simple yet so idiotic problems…duh…americans are bullshit too in some ways…
…third…why cant i sue my dad for physical injury…i dont love him anyway…even before…i had just let him break a single glass on my head…and had myself crying and afterwadrs sleeping with multitude of blood flowing out from my head…why was i thinking that he is the only one who could help my family with regards to money…im being paid as a callcenter agent…i can be a breadwinner…why was i thinking that i should not even fight back beacuse he still my dad…bullshit me again…
why am i too good being a person…and jot down this blog so "bullshitly"….im a human being too..ayt??…
why cant i find someone who will fill up my needs as a human being…who just needs to be in love and give love as it is…why cant i find someone as nice as my second boo???….why cant i be myself again…whose in content in dancing alone..and being alone before…am i really a bullshit???…..me…a bullshit???!!!!!
January 29th, 2007 at 3:53 am
woohh…
ivan!!!
wer r u now??!!!
your not showing up nah…
hahai…
January 31st, 2007 at 8:30 pm
hey friend! long time no see!
ive been thinking of you many times…wondering whats going on with your life…
paul, we’d been friends since HS, i dont know f you still consider me as one, but for sure your still my friend i want to help or be just some1 you can lean on…just like before…
know paul i feel that i dont know you anymore, maybe bcoz youve changed…am not against with that but what am really wooried is…its as if your lost…
paul, if you need sum1 to talk to am jz here…
remember: before you can give satisfaction to anyone you must know what satisfies you…if you feel like there’s somethings missing in your life…find yourself back…know yourself better…and never let go your hands to God…His the only one who knows what better for us…
love yourself before you’l learn to love other unconditionally…
i know your a brave person kaya mo yan!
EVERYTHING WILL BE ALRIGHT
hope to see you…soon…